The Ups and Downs of Grant Searching...

The Ups and Downs of Grant Searching...

Isn't it such a roller coaster ride, the search for the grant to help get you started..  That thrill when you think you found one that will be a good match with you and apply.

All that hoping and dreaming, that soon this could be me:

No idea who she is, but probably part of some birding group...  We always hear it is too polluted, too dangerous to go, yet is seems others are able to go there.... 

 The people who used to live there...

My mother and the guy who would have been my father are in there somewhere...  Instead of the indigenous beautiful skin and facial features, I look very pale in comparison...  How I wish I would look more on the outside that i feel on the inside! 

But I thought I wrote a compelling grant proposal but there are so many in distress that it is hard to choose which to help.  I do not mind others getting the help, I am sure there is too much hardship in the world...

But the excitement I felt after I submitted it, the dreams!  I so wish to visit there! I want it to be my home!  I am sure most of us are too westernized to live there 24/7/352 but it should be our choice!

I planned and thought and dreamed and pictured it all in my mind.  I felt so sure I even mentioned it to my sisters, that I should hear by January if I got it and that we would all go there once together...  I hope to find one soon that will support it.  Ours is such a tragic story, it really should be known.

I mean, if people heard about it, they would be amazed and not believe it could happen in America...  but it did and we suffer for it...

It is not a story of hate and revenge but beauty and hope.  It would inspire the world.  to never, ever give up on your dreams, never ever give up on other people, to believe it is meant to be and will be.

I have such an idea that would truly rock the world too...  It is my Bride of Sorrows theme.  The most cursed girl in the history of all the realms, doomed to a thousand deaths.  But we do not dwell on the negative, for a woman born under this curse, over and over, will most likely not have a happy life...but it will be an interesting one!  1,000 lives told in film, books, video games...

Here is an except from a page about our People:

Life on Attu was good.

The beauty of the island, with its 3,500-

foot mountainous peaks, abundance of

birdlife, and its people, survived for over

2,000 years. According to their legends

Attuans believed that their island was

the “beginning of the world.” It was said

that on Attu everything grew better and

tasted better than anywhere else. History

shows that the people who lived on this

island were peaceful, happy and content. 

It is a part of our being, the idea that we are the beginning of the world, hehe, and my story is a sort of creationist one...  You see, our Art is more then just a pretty picture kind of thing, it must be useful as well.  My writing is Art and my films, games, etc. will be creating an economy for us, our Art becoming more... Just as my ancestors did it!  Dont let us be erased, you will lose a fabulous gift!

but back to the roller coaster ride...  just heard today that I did not get that grant, too many need it and only a few can get it.  So from high hopes to feelings of inadequacy!  Mom entrusted me with this charge, to help our people as best I can, show the world our beauty, help get our home back... I know I will not fail in the long run, I will get it done, I just wish it was a bit easier!

How do you handle it?  The feeling you are stuck on a little hamster wheel, sincerely trying your best and trying to shake the feeling they are doing this just to giggle at you...  Put it into a good light!  Imagine you are getting good practice at amusing them, so when we get our first film completed they will watch it because it is a novelty.  But it will capture them!  And they will want more...  hehe...  hugs and take care and do not let the rejections get you down for too long!  Never give up on your dreams!  ~Sea